This is a blog about millennial married life, and all that it entails. But before we can explore the nuances of life as a young married person in a generation that empowers women and encourages love across all boundaries, we have to know ourselves.
When I met my husband, I had just broken up with someone three weeks earlier. It may not sound like a spectacular life event, but to me it was. For the first time, I had made a choice for my love life. I didn’t leave it up to him.
We’ve all been in a position where our strong and un-returned love leaves us vulnerable to the actions of the one we love. We get hurt, and still we blame ourselves. I’m here to tell you that you are not to blame. Loving someone is never wrong. Love is a feeling that reminds us how human we are, and to love someone, anyone, is to know what it means to be a good human. All religions teach us to love our neighbors, our parents, our spouses. When your love is unrequited, it is not your fault.
It just means the person receiving your love wasn’t ready for it, and probably didn’t deserve it.
My younger years were rife with one-sided romances and abusive relationships. Not abusive in the physical sense, but more so in the way I let the object of my affection make me feel like I wasn’t good enough. The times I was told journalism isn’t a real major, the times I was pressured into doing something I wasn’t ready for, or when I heard the classic “I’m not ready for another relationship yet.” I cry for the 20-year-old girl who mistook a fuck boy for a guy who cared.
That’s why when I broke up with my last boyfriend before meeting my husband, I knew I had reached a certain maturity that would allow me to make better decisions about who I let into my intimate life going forward.
How did I reach that maturity milestone?
Not all married couples do. That’s why divorce is unfortunately common. But among Millennials, the divorce rate has remained steadily around 10 percent (of married couples), compared to our parents’ and grandparents’ 25 percent. That means we are already on the right track, most likely because of the number of women waiting until later in their 20s and 30s to get married (as opposed to my grandmother, who married at 21). Naturally, as we age and acquire more wisdom, we mature.
But I got married at 23, you say? That’s not because I matured faster. I took the steps to really know myself, know what I wanted, at a younger age. I stopped wasting my weekends getting drunk with strangers and focused more on self improvement. And as I worked on myself, I realized there were certain people in my life that were not contributing positive value. So I let them go.
It sounds like what you’d here in any relationship advice book, right? But that’s because it works.
Three weeks later, I met my husband, the love of my life, The One. Four years later, I feel confident our love only grows every day.
Love yourself, be kind to others, and I’ll be back next week 🙂